so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
