She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
