i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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