I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
