you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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