Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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