I CAN MOONWALK!
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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