Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
