He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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