Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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