Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
