Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
