Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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