Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
