i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
