what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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