I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
