The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
