maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
