Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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