It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
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