Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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