Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
