Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
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