Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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