i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
