u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
