the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
