New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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