bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
