If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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