Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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