The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
