make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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