Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
