Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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