Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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