what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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