Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
