Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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