I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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