Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
