Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
