After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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