That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
