I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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