Will you blow on my dice?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I deserve this hangover.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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