i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
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When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
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So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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