I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
