____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
