Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
