Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
You're like the curious george of whores
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
