when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
