A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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