1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
