We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize