I looked at my own cervix.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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