Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
