Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
if only i could text you this smell
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
