Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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