he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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